I Need Serenity

No, I'm not talking about the Nickelback song... though it is a good one. Its just really interesting how God chooses to work. He works our life in phases. Seasons, if you will. He fades people in and out in His timing; there are NO consequences with God.

Everything that happens in life happens for a reason. It's age-old logic, but seriously - it's the truth. We are all walking through trials in life, but He has given us the ability to choose whether we will dread them, or if we will look for His goodness in them. It's like a life long treasure hunt. As many of you know, the last five months of my life has been one big downhill slide. Over the course of almost half a year, I have managed to turn away from everything I have ever known and chase after something I have always been warned against. I have disappointed my parents, my friends, and myself. I was supposed to be the strong one. The leader, the good example. I confess that I have been everything BUT that. And for those of you who I have caused to sin, I sincerely apologize.

It's easy to stay there and perpetually beat yourself up over choices. It's easy to know that God has forgiven you, but the hardest part is self-forgiveness. We are our own biggest critic. A stream of never-ending, ridiculous, insanely high, expectations, seems to flow through our heads all day long. Let me tell you, friends. This stream of constant self-doubt is none other than Satan himself lying to you. It is the most powerful tool he has to use against us, and he always takes full advantage of it. We are prideful creatures by nature and when our confidence is constantly being inundated with negative self-thought, we being to believe that we are inadequate how God made us. We can't serve God to our full potential when we don't realize that we truly are beautiful how He made us.

That is the true beauty in not all of us being stamped out cookie cutter people. Iron sharpens iron, right? Well what good does a dull blade being sharpened on a dull sharpener do? We are all sharp, and together we help to keep each other sharp because we are different. I don't claim to have negative self-thought under control, but with God's help in this past five month season of my life, I feel like I have come a VERY long way. It is okay to love yourself. After all, we are called to love our neighbors as we love ourselves. If you don't love who God made you, then you won't be able to appreciate others for who God made them. Friends, life is much more beautiful when you look for the good things in others rather than dwelling on their negative traits in order to make yourself feel better about you.

It's a process that plays out in God's timing, but I promise - HE promises that we are all loved. He is our father. The KING! We are all royalty. We don't need a wedding that 5 million people across the world watch, or huge engagement rings, or horse-drawn carriages. We already had our wedding and we are in the stage of living it out now. He promises to be with us whenever we call on Him. He promises serenity, restoration, peace, joy, and love in His arms. The hard part, friends, is letting Him engulf us with his big, warm, loving arms. Truly letting Him show His love for us and drench us in the magnificent beauty of being loved by the true King of the Universe. I know it's hard to believe, but Obama's got nothing on our GOD!

Last night, I got the opportunity to grab my camera and drive out through Venetia to Mingo Creek Park for sunset. I love the country roads - especially at sunset on a beautiful night. I roll my windows down, pop in a Switchfoot CD, and put my hand out the window. It's the closet thing to flying that I think we can get as humans. Spending an hour driving around with the wind in my hair watching as God gently pours his golden light over the colors of His creation is freedom to me. His artistry in nature is healing.

I ended up finding a huge hill in Mingo Park that overlooked the creek and some pinetrees. I climbed about halfway up with my camera and just plopped down in the grass. I layed my head on the ground in the calf-high threads of grain and closed my eyes. My mind cleared, I listened to the creek bubbling, the wind blowing, and the chatter of the birds. I took in a deep breath and with the exhale came sobs. Here I am, laying in the middle of God's love and I have been trying SO desperately to run from it. Test the waters and make a life for MYSELF. I don't even know how long I cried, but then I heard these words over the gentle sounds of nature. Straight from God's lips - almost audible - This is love. This is healing. This is serenity. This is peace. This is freedom. just. let. me. love. you. Let me direct you. Stop trying to do it on your own. I know the plans I have for you, and Danielle, they are way better than the plans you have for yourself. I have given you the ability to see love when you look at my creation and I want you to show others who can't see it. Stop running FROM me, and fall into my arms. I opened my eyes and saw nothing but a huge expanse of blue turning into a fiery sunset over the pine trees in the distance. The birds flying overhead. The grain flowing in the wind. This is love. This is healing. This. Is. Forgiveness.